Whereas, sovereignty over the entire Universe belongs to Almighty Allah alone, and the authority to be exercised by the people of Naya Pakistan shall be through Kaptaan Khan (to be referred as “Johnny Does It All”).
Now, therefore, we the people of Naya Pakistan do hereby, through the Tigers of Pakistan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) staging sit-ins all over the universe, adopt, enact and give to ourselves, this Constitution of Islamic Republic of Naya Pakistan.
Loyalty of the subjects of Naya Pakistan shall be with “Johnny Does It All” alone.
FUNDAMENTAL RIGHTS AND DUTIES:
1. It shall be the duty of parents to bring their toddlers and infants in every dharna of PTI. The razakars of PTI shall be bound to provide all the necessary items to the toddlers and infants, which may be necessary to avoid kids from catching pneumonia, dehydration or diarrhea, as the weather may have likelihood to change.
2. Every participant of dharna shall have the right to move freely throughout Naya Pakistan, the restriction of the movement of other citizens due to dharna shall not be taken into account.
3. Every citizen shall be free to play music as loud as he wishes to while staging the sit-in and he shall be at liberty to block any road, street and highway without any prior intimation/permission from the concerned authorities.
PRINCIPLES OF POLICY:
1. Every citizen of Naya Pakistan shall be bound to address others with the terms and phrases which are devised by the founder of Naya Pakistan at historical D-Chowk dharna site. All other terminologies, be they inconsistent with decent and courteous terms, shall be preserved and promoted among the masses.
2. Full participation of the public in every sit-in shall be strictly ensured by the Tigers of PTI.
3. The State shall ensure expeditious justice. The culprits shall be handed over immediately to the “Johnny Does It All” who shall punish them with his own hands. The method that shall be applied will vary according to the crime ranging from slap, spank, holding from neck, to strangulation.
4. It shall be the primary duty of the State to strengthen fraternal relations with the holy warriors such as Tehreek-e-Taliban and other splinter groups/tribes scattered around Naya Pakistan and across the borders. They shall be encouraged to settle and open up their offices within the peaceful and lavish areas of Naya Pakistan.
PRESIDENT, PRIME MINISTER, CHIEF JUSTICE AND POLICE CONSTABLE:
1. There shall be a President, Prime Minister, Chief Justice and Police Constable of Naya Pakistan. The powers of all these offices shall be vested in Johnny who shall do it all.
2. “Johnny Does It All” shall elect himself as President, Prime Minister and head of all other institutions including but not limited to Chairman WAPDA and Minister of Public Health.
3. The election/selection of “Johnny Does It All” shall not be called into question in any court of law.
4. “Johnny Does It All” shall be the lifelong President, Prime Minster, Chief Justice and head of all institutions. The duration of the office shall not be curtailed.
5. Johnny shall enjoy unfettered discretion which shall not be questioned.
There shall be a Parliament of Naya Pakistan and will be called Awami Parliament. The members of the Awami Parliament shall be selected by “Johnny Does It All”. The members of the Awami Parliament shall hold the sessions at sit-in sites. They shall discuss and deliberate upon the core issues of Pakistan, e.g. perfect dance moves on every beat of PTI songs, precautions for scorching heat and spine chilling cold, as the case may be, and the training of youth in removing containers placed for the security of sensitive places.
There shall be only one Court in Naya Pakistan which shall be called as “Imran Ki Adalat”. The Court shall be headed by “Johnny Does It All”. He shall be its Chief Judge, Prosecutor, Defence Attorney and the Chief Executioner.
There shall be an Election Commission in Naya Pakistan. The Election Commission shall be responsible to hold elections of trade and student unions, cantonment boards and market committees. Apart from that the Election Commission of Naya Pakistan shall not interfere in the general and local bodies’ elections which fall within the exclusive domain of “Johnny Does It All” who shall be at liberty to hire, fire and retire any member of the Parliament or any other person working in any capacity in the State of Naya Pakistan.
1. The national language of Naya Pakistan shall be Urdu, but every citizen of Naya Pakistan shall be free to use the terms and phrases such as Oyeee, shalwar geeli hojae ge, apne hathon se saza don ga, sharam karo, sharmnaak etc.
2. All citizens of Pakistan who were declared ‘non-state actors’, terrorists and enemies of Pakistan shall be recognized as our own brothers having equal rights as enjoyed by any other citizen of Naya Pakistan.
3. Any citizen, who challenges the authority of “Johnny Does It All” or any of his subordinates, shall be transported to Manora Island and shall spend the rest of life in isolation.