The Constitution of Islamic Republic of Naya Pakistan

PREAMBLE:
Where­as, sov­er­eign­ty over the entire Uni­verse belongs to Almighty Allah alone, and the author­i­ty to be exer­cised by the peo­ple of Naya Pak­istan shall be through Kap­taan Khan (to be referred as “John­ny Does It All”).
Now, there­fore, we the peo­ple of Naya Pak­istan do here­by, through the Tigers of Pak­istan Tehreek-e-Insaf (PTI) stag­ing sit-ins all over the uni­verse, adopt, enact and give to our­selves, this Con­sti­tu­tion of Islam­ic Repub­lic of Naya Pak­istan.
Loy­al­ty of the sub­jects of Naya Pak­istan shall be with “John­ny Does It All” alone.

FUNDAMENTAL RIGHTS AND DUTIES:
1. It shall be the duty of par­ents to bring their tod­dlers and infants in every dhar­na of PTI. The raza­kars of PTI shall be bound to pro­vide all the nec­es­sary items to the tod­dlers and infants, which may be nec­es­sary to avoid kids from catch­ing pneu­mo­nia, dehy­dra­tion or diar­rhea, as the weath­er may have like­li­hood to change.
2. Every par­tic­i­pant of dhar­na shall have the right to move freely through­out Naya Pak­istan, the restric­tion of the move­ment of oth­er cit­i­zens due to dhar­na shall not be tak­en into account.
3. Every cit­i­zen shall be free to play music as loud as he wish­es to while stag­ing the sit-in and he shall be at lib­er­ty to block any road, street and high­way with­out any pri­or intimation/permission from the con­cerned author­i­ties.

PRINCIPLES OF POLICY:
1. Every cit­i­zen of Naya Pak­istan shall be bound to address oth­ers with the terms and phras­es which are devised by the founder of Naya Pak­istan at his­tor­i­cal D‑Chowk dhar­na site. All oth­er ter­mi­nolo­gies, be they incon­sis­tent with decent and cour­te­ous terms, shall be pre­served and pro­mot­ed among the mass­es.
2. Full par­tic­i­pa­tion of the pub­lic in every sit-in shall be strict­ly ensured by the Tigers of PTI.
3. The State shall ensure expe­di­tious jus­tice. The cul­prits shall be hand­ed over imme­di­ate­ly to the “John­ny Does It All” who shall pun­ish them with his own hands. The method that shall be applied will vary accord­ing to the crime rang­ing from slap, spank, hold­ing from neck, to stran­gu­la­tion.
4. It shall be the pri­ma­ry duty of the State to strength­en fra­ter­nal rela­tions with the holy war­riors such as Tehreek-e-Tal­iban and oth­er splin­ter groups/tribes scat­tered around Naya Pak­istan and across the bor­ders. They shall be encour­aged to set­tle and open up their offices with­in the peace­ful and lav­ish areas of Naya Pak­istan.

PRESIDENT, PRIME MINISTER, CHIEF JUSTICE AND POLICE CONSTABLE:
1. There shall be a Pres­i­dent, Prime Min­is­ter, Chief Jus­tice and Police Con­sta­ble of Naya Pak­istan. The pow­ers of all these offices shall be vest­ed in John­ny who shall do it all.
2. “John­ny Does It All” shall elect him­self as Pres­i­dent, Prime Min­is­ter and head of all oth­er insti­tu­tions includ­ing but not lim­it­ed to Chair­man WAPDA and Min­is­ter of Pub­lic Health.
3. The election/selection of “John­ny Does It All” shall not be called into ques­tion in any court of law.
4. “John­ny Does It All” shall be the life­long Pres­i­dent, Prime Min­ster, Chief Jus­tice and head of all insti­tu­tions. The dura­tion of the office shall not be cur­tailed.
5. John­ny shall enjoy unfet­tered dis­cre­tion which shall not be ques­tioned.

PARLIAMENT:
There shall be a Par­lia­ment of Naya Pak­istan and will be called Awa­mi Par­lia­ment. The mem­bers of the Awa­mi Par­lia­ment shall be select­ed by “John­ny Does It All”. The mem­bers of the Awa­mi Par­lia­ment shall hold the ses­sions at sit-in sites. They shall dis­cuss and delib­er­ate upon the core issues of Pak­istan, e.g. per­fect dance moves on every beat of PTI songs, pre­cau­tions for scorch­ing heat and spine chill­ing cold, as the case may be, and the train­ing of youth in remov­ing con­tain­ers placed for the secu­ri­ty of sen­si­tive places.

JUDICATURE:
There shall be only one Court in Naya Pak­istan which shall be called as “Imran Ki Adalat”. The Court shall be head­ed by “John­ny Does It All”. He shall be its Chief Judge, Pros­e­cu­tor, Defence Attor­ney and the Chief Exe­cu­tion­er.

ELECTIONS:
There shall be an Elec­tion Com­mis­sion in Naya Pak­istan. The Elec­tion Com­mis­sion shall be respon­si­ble to hold elec­tions of trade and stu­dent unions, can­ton­ment boards and mar­ket com­mit­tees. Apart from that the Elec­tion Com­mis­sion of Naya Pak­istan shall not inter­fere in the gen­er­al and local bod­ies’ elec­tions which fall with­in the exclu­sive domain of “John­ny Does It All” who shall be at lib­er­ty to hire, fire and retire any mem­ber of the Par­lia­ment or any oth­er per­son work­ing in any capac­i­ty in the State of Naya Pak­istan.

MISCELLANEOUS
1. The nation­al lan­guage of Naya Pak­istan shall be Urdu, but every cit­i­zen of Naya Pak­istan shall be free to use the terms and phras­es such as Oyeee, shal­war geeli hojae ge, apne hathon se saza don ga, sharam karo, sharm­naak etc.
2. All cit­i­zens of Pak­istan who were declared ‘non-state actors’, ter­ror­ists and ene­mies of Pak­istan shall be rec­og­nized as our own broth­ers hav­ing equal rights as enjoyed by any oth­er cit­i­zen of Naya Pak­istan.
3. Any cit­i­zen, who chal­lenges the author­i­ty of “John­ny Does It All” or any of his sub­or­di­nates, shall be trans­port­ed to Mano­ra Island and shall spend the rest of life in iso­la­tion.