pakistan-a-day-on-twitterBy Awais Masood

@UncleThinkTanki: Right now, conducting a round-table on ‘The Benefits of having both tissue rolls and water faucets in Pakistani Washrooms’ with @ColonelStrategicDepth and @AuntieNGO

@ColonelStrategicDeath: @UncleThinkTanki  Strategy is the main reason we support Afghan Taliban and do not have square toilet bowls #IamtheCoolestWriterInPakistan

@UncleThinkTanki: @AuntieNGO is emphasizing the importance of upholding local traditions and maintaining lotas in our toilets

@ColonelStrategicDeath: As Habermas reminds me, one needs to be realistic about matters of national security and toilet accessories

@JihadiInqilabi: Khilafat, Islam, Jihad, Khilafat. Democracy is kufar

@MunnaHashTagWala: #IWetMyPantsBecause I drank too much red bull

@AuntieNGO:  Lotas and tissue rolls, keep everyone happy, funds rolling ;)

@ColonelStrategicDeath: @UncleThinkTanki @AuntieNGO I just remembered that story about the woodcutter and the grizzly bear

@ComradeInqalabi: Zinda hay Lenin Zinda hay, Zinda hay Stalin zinda hay. #vodkaKahanHay?

@MacWaliBaji: Why wasn’t voyager 1 powered by iOS? Yeh ziadati hay #SteveJobs k saath

@MunnaHashTagWala: #IWetMyPantsBecause I saw a tiger

@BajiCyberFreedom: Youtube khol do! Youtube Khol do #unbanYoutube

@UncleMobileJammer: We are planning to jam cell-phone services on Valentine’s Day, Halloween and NewYear eve as security measures

@BajiCyberFreedom: @UncleMobileJammer Please open youtube. Youtube khol dain. Plz, plz achay uncle

@MunnaHashTagWala: Come one guys lets trend #IWetMyPantsBecause

@UncleMobileJammer: Beta, I have been using hotspot shield myself to watch Lady Gaga. Main to chahta hoon per boss nahin mantay.

@BajiCyberFreedom: @UncleMobileJammer Owein, Owein, youtube kholoooooooooooooooo! Main nahin manti, Yeh rondi hay

@TaxMunshi: @UncleMobileJammer Sir I have used grade-6 algebra to sort out the names of tax evaders. Press Release bhaij doon?

@UncleMobileJammer: Shabash baita @TaxMunshi Remind me to take your arrest warrants back.

@MunnaHashTagWala: #IWetMyPantsBecause I am 20

@UncleThinkTanki: Summing up the round-table. Will prepare a public policy paper on having lotas, water faucets and tissue rolls in all public toilets

@ColonelStrategicDeath: @UncleThinkTanki Please do not forget to mention the difference between good lotas and bad lotas, sorry good Taliban and bad Taliban

@MacWaliBaji: Why didn’t #SteveJobs write the Space Shuttle code

@HeadMaster: I have turned CRUMBS into the best university in Asia. For details, contact my secretary. I am busy tweeting

@MianwaliTiger: Imran Khan, Imran Khan, Imran Khan. Tum sab corrupt ho

@PhajjayKPayeSocialMedia : Today CM inaugurated the 5th flyover at Kalma Chowk to ease traffic congestion caused by second and 4th flyovers #SherAvayiAvay

@DamselinDistress: Why is the world so cruel? Why is it so cruel to me?

@FilmiCharsi: Just watched the Godard’s 8349th film. It’s the best film he ever made.

@ColonelStrategicDeath: Time to do some firing practice with my 9mm.

@MunnaHashTagWala: #IWetMyPantsBecause I saw @ColonelStrategicDeath with his gun

@ColonelStrategicDeath: @MunnaHashTagWala Son, I am sorry to disclose it to you but you can never get through ISSB with that

@MunnaHashTagWala: #IWetMyPantsBecause @ColonelStrategicDeath replied to my tweet

@PhajjayKPayeSocialMedia: Lahore Metro Bus System will be inaugurated by CM on March 23, 2019. Hats-off to timely completion #SherAvayiAvay

@MianwaliTiger: @PhajjayKPayeSocialMedia Loot ker kha gaye salay Pakistan ko. Imran aye ga Pakistan bachaye ga

@PhajjayKPayeSocialMedia: Abay teri <edited>, Lahore a, tujhay batata hoon, teri <edited>

@MianwaliTiger: @PhajjayKPayeSocialMedia Kia bolta hay, Imran Khan teri <edited>

@MianwaliTiger2: @PhajjayKPayeSocialMedia Imran Khan teri <edited>

@MianwaliTiger3: @PhajjayKPayeSocialMedia Imran Khan tujhay<edited>

@MunnaHashTagWala: #IWetMyPantsBecause It was raining

@MianwaliTiger4: @PhajjayKPayeSocialMedia Imran Khan will <edited>

@JihadiInqilabi: @MianwaliTiger4 @PhajjayKPayeSocialMedia  Khilafat, Islam, Jihad, Khilafat, Islam

@JihadiInqilabi2: @MianwaliTiger4 @PhajjayKPayeSocialMedia  Khilafat lao, mulk bachao, democracy is kufr

@DamselinDistress: Yeh duniya itnee zaaalim kioun hay?????

@FilmiCharsi: Finished watching Godard’s 8350th film. Its the best film made by Ingmar Bergman.

@DamselinDistress: Sab Maya hay

@MianwaliTiger: Imran Khan will fix everything in 90 minutes. Jemima still love him. He lives in a wooden hut and pays $1 billion tax every year. #Inqilab

@DamselinDistress: Zindagi aik bojh hay, kia faida zinda rehnay ka

@DamselinDistress: soch rahi hoon khud-kushi ker loon

@MianwaliTiger: Imran Khan, Imran Khan #Inqilab

@JihadiInqilabi: @MianwaliTiger Khilafat, Khilafat, Khilafat

@MianwaliTiger: @JihadiInqilabi  Imran Khan, Imran Khan #Inqilab

@JihadiInqilabi: @MianwaliTiger  Khilafat, Khilafat, Khilafat

@PhajjayKPayeSocialMedia : #SherAvayiAvay Dekho Dekho Kon Aya, Sher aya, Sher aya

@MunnaHashTagWala: #IWetMyPantsBecause I trended on Twitter

@DamselinDistress: Raat ho gayee hay, soti hoon.  Kal shopping keroon gi, party per jaaon gi. Kitni zalim hay zindagi. Nahin rehna mujhay zinda, Kal har halat main

@MunnaHashTagWala: #IWetMyPantsBecause I wet my pants

@DamselinDistress: Just forgot, kal to Amsterdam ki flight hay. Holidays! Yaaaaay! Getting late. Good night all.


(From The Dissection)

(Published at The Laaltain – Issue 7)

One Response

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: